Zork Movie to Be Released In All Its Full Text Glory

By | August 7, 2008

Hollywood, CA – Lion’s Gate Films, which had secretly acquired a few years ago the rights to produce a Zork movie, has announced that it will be released in summer 2009.

The movie is set in a first-person perspective, and will be filmed in full text video, and narrated by Morgan Freeman. A screen capture from a camcorder (seen at left) from a private showing at Comic-Con 2008 has been circulating on the Internet. The quality is typical of a camcorder, but it has fans excited.

“I’m glad they are keeping true to the spirit of the game. Had they given it to Uwe Boll, it would have been a nonstop frenzy of exploding grues,” commented Dan Pewters, who has been playing Zork for over 17 years.

Gerald Hemmingway, team leader of the visual effects team hired for the movie, explained, “Using the wider movie screens, we’ll have much less text-wrapping, and be able to fit in more action onto the screen simultaneously. This is something the fans of Zork should be looking forward to.”

Hemmingway said the biggest challenge was to determine what text color to use.”We’ve experimented with amber on black, green on black and white on black. So far the test audiences have reacted most favorably to green on black.”

The studio promises that this will be the most faithful video game to reproduction ever made. “It’ll be like Morgan Freeman is sitting behind you reading the game as you play the perfect game. We think it’ll be a dream come true for most Zorkers or Zorkies or whatever they call themselves,” said Lion’s Gate CEO Beverly Crocker. – bbspot

Okay, obviously it’s a joke but I’d love to see Zork, the movie.  Play my democratic Zork here.

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