Ever feel like you just don’t have time? Of course you do. That’s the nature of our world. We have too much to do, not enough time to do it. If only you had a time machine, you could read that novel and see that movie and get in eight hours of work and find time to exercise and get the dinner cooked and maybe get a good night’s sleep.Well, the Cudworth-Hooper Gadabout TM 1050 is just the thing for you, a “lite-vacuum” time machine that’s economic, energy-efficient, and space-saving. It has “fully automatic space-time configurations and patented Chrono-matic Accuracy,” and is just the thing for short trips through time.Even though the Gadabout makes time travel simple, there are still dangers involved if you operate the Gadabout improperly, so you’ll want to pay close attention to the red-bordered safety instructions. There are some of the expected warnings, like “do not immerse time machine in water” or “always turn off time machine before any maintenance or repair.” But there are many other warnings that you might not be aware of:
Do not go back in time and attempt to claim invention of time machine.
Do not connect your household vacuum to time machine.
Do not use time machine to determine ovo/Gallus domesticus order.
Do not use time machine as a hot tub.
Do not use time machine as a replacement for a moral compass.
The manual points out the useful features of the Gadabout TM 1050, like the cigar lighter, ice dispenser, and adjustable seat backs. Ice build-up is a natural consequence of the functioning of the gravitational singularity, so Cudworth-Hooper decided to incorporate that into an ice dispenser which you can use to freshen up your passengers’ drinks. The troubleshooting section covers what to do if you discover two of yourself when you arrive at a destination, accidentally kill your grandfather, or get stuck in a time loop. However, you’ll want to pay close attention to instructions about checking the battery charge, because there doesn’t seem to be any solution for failure of the dimensional collapse. Recommended action: “exit the Gadabout immediately and seek shelter. If possible, communicate any final messages to loved ones.”