The Article About Cheating

By | January 21, 2009

I once dated a reporter for three and a half years.  It didn’t work out. I was surprised and quite sad. To help me get over it, I learned some French and flew to Paris for a week. We both went on to love again and to have some great adventures. I’m doing fine now, reasonably happy, grounded, focused on my career … though getting tired of being single after several years …  and trying to fight off some Whooping cough.

Anyway, during my convalescence, I found an article my ex published about cheating. Excerpt:

… If you’ve been unfaithful in the past, but you really want a monogamous relationship, there’s hope and help available. Amy Ellis, a marriage and family therapist in Roseville who specializes in infidelity, says, “The No. 1 reason for infidelity would be people who avoid conflict, who don’t want to talk about dissatisfaction. The person who got hurt will have felt like their marriage was going great, and then the other person will go out and cheat.” A good therapist can help you decide whether the relationship you’re in is worth saving, and if so, teach you and your partner how to rebuild trust and communication.

… If monogamy is not your calling, it’s time to stop sneaking around and own that fact. For an open, honest approach to a nonmonogamous lifestyle, The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt is a must-read. –snr

While the author does not reveal her personal philosophy she makes it clear that some men and women aren’t built to commit to just one partner.  Sorry, Charlie, that’s just life. That rings true, although it is unfortunate when two people in love are mismatched along that axis.

My grandparents were faithfully married for about 60 years!  There is no way at my current age that I’m going to accomplish something like that, unless those anti-aging advances happen soon. On the other side of the coin, I have an uncle who never married.

Will I? I’ve come close. I’ve held what might have been my own wedding ring in my hand twice… and twice the bells and the rice slipped away into an alternate universe.

So be it. Let it be. The best wish, if you are granted one, is for deep and true contentment.  Here is a “secret of life” I had to learn the hard way. To a surprising degree, a state of real satisfaction with one’s life is attainable regardless of our relationship status, wealth, physical abilities, or possessions. 

The secret is a chemical balance: along with proper nutrition, something called 5-HTP has made me a happy man. Think of it as the healthy person’s Prosaic.

Sure, setting goals, keeping busy, having personal integrity, good friends, art, generosity, faith, and planning future fun, helps … But none of that will make you happy if you have a chemical imbalance.

A person who is chemically depressed may jump from relationship to relationship looking for something which can only be found inside. Self love? No, Serotonin.

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