Holy hell: Long Island Sound is literally packed full of dolphins right now. There are 150 to 200 of them out there, according to Newsday, so many that if you waded into the surf you might just come face to face with one of their slimy, smiley faces. They came all together in a group and were hanging around Cold Spring Harbor last week, but now they’ve split into two groups, says the paper, and are branching out: “One group headed for City Island in the Bronx while the others were seen in the Long Island Sound near Bayville.”
Charles Bowman, president of The Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research and Preservation, said the dolphins are hunting and appeared normal. He said they likely have split into multiple groups to continue looking for herring.
Sure. They “appear” normal. They “look” like they are hunting for “herring.” But let’s face it: Dolphins may seem dumb, with those faces they’ve got and that high-pitched “eep eep” thing they do, but we all know these are smart, cunning creatures. All of that jumping through rings and flipping in unison stuff they do? Have you ever wondered why they know how to do that? We’ll tell you: training. Make no mistake. These creatures are sophisticated, and we wouldn’t be surprised if this two-pronged strategic maneuver they are implementing to surround New York were part of some larger, complex plan to hunt something else. Like people. We’re not suggesting the city go ahead and gas them or anything. They’re mammals, just like us! But we’re going to have to all keep an eye out for these buggers. Ever been hit in the eye with a squirt from a blowhole? Neither have we, but we’re sure it isn’t pretty.