Some have a real problem with name dropping. What can be done about name dropping? The first step seems to be to admit that you have a problem.
Hi. I’m Xeno, and I’ve dropped a lot of names. It is lame. It’s all over my posts for years. I’m fascinated by fame. It started when I found out as a boy that my uncle was part of a world famous rock group. Then I got into the Beatles and saw that these famous guys were really loved. They were famous and they were loved … some kind of super love… more loved than I’d ever seen anyone loved. Girls would chase them and scream! In my growing brain, fame became love. Around this time my mother and father split up. My father was a musician who was trying to be famous. I guess my kid brain thought that my parents split up because my dad wasn’t getting famous. Partly true due to money issues. More reinforcement that fame = love, unfame = rejection.
One of my closest friends had the same problem and we would sort of feed off of each other. We wanted to know famous people, to be in the “in” crowd. We knew the top musicians in the town. We got passed in free to sold-out shows when other people had to stand in line. We high-fived each other for having “connections”. We played shows in places the famous people played. We, ourselves, paid special attention to people who knew famous people. We saw the same thing with other people wanting to be around us. When you do get well known, it sucks that you can’t tell if people like you for yourself, or because of your fame score. We had groupies. We had a few stalkers. But it was all a rush.
Looking in the proverbial mirror tonight, I am facing my idol worship. I see foundations of motivations for everything I have done, music, my career, this blog … so much is based on a what must be an incomplete equation: I don’t really believe that fame is love. Fame is fame. Love is love.
I’ve had some awareness of my fame seeking psychosis for years. I stopped playing music live because it felt too ego-driven… (We are often like pendulums. We notice a problem, then swing too far in the other direction.) … but I remain ego driven… it seems deeply built in.
Example: By posting a few things interesting each day on a blog for years, I’ve built up “a following” of web readers. The fact that I’ve reached over 1.5 million page views gives me a sense of purpose. Sure, I love helping people and entertaining people, but there is also some motivation for this blog that is prideful.
I’m visualizing dropping out of everything and walking on a beach as a happy unknown bum for the rest of my life. (Again the pendulum swings.)
What is the healthy balance? Who of you has confronted the name dropping demon and won? Who has fixed a flawed fame fantasy?