Anger Management and the Curse

By | May 26, 2008

Secretly, I’ve been angry. You would be angry too if you kept hitting yourself in the head with a brick. The brick is the attempt to find true love. My head is … my head.

I think some evil force is in play. Some curse. “You will have everything, except love.”

I do. I have nearly everything: Health, wealth, wisdom, good friends, great food, entertainment, a sense of humor

… well, I haven’t been able to get Bush impeached, or stop torture or slavery in the world, and I haven’t been able to create anti-gravity or a solution to our energy problems… but those things have always seemed beyond me.

What frustrates me about this love quest is that I have already held it in my hands… I’ve only lost it. (Or, as I prefer to think.. temporarily given it back…) so I know it is within reach.

Internet dating is pure hell. I hate rejecting people and I hate being rejected… but not looking does NOT work. That is a myth, folks. You have to do something if you want to find love. But what? Picking girls up in bars is a great way to find girls who like to hang out in bars.

The only thing I can think to do is keep trying, over and over and over. Here is another attempt at Internet dating I’m trying today:

http://www.okcupid.com

Unlike Match.com this one is free. Interestingly, I see some of the same people on here that I saw 6 months ago on Match.com.

Oh, and unfortunately my laptop caught fire when I was watching the Return of Spinal Tap (Why does this happen to me?!?) so I don’t even have the Internet at home… which makes Internet dating even more challenging.

PS. The Big Butter Jesus photo is included because his expression is exactly how I feel. He is looking up, saying, “Why this curse!?”

( As my long time readers know, I’m an ex-Catholic, now recovered, now science minded… and based on the evidence I’ve seen so far, I believe when we die, that’s it. Which means I have zero hope of finding love in the afterlife. I don’t get an afterlife in my cosmology.)

6 thoughts on “Anger Management and the Curse

  1. joesacramento

    Yep. I feel you. I have experienced what you are going through (sans the smoking laptop). I’m not the Love Guru by any means, but I have learned a lot in 40 years of living. Warning: SPF (sap factor) Factor 85 coming up….. You can’t find love; it must find you. You can’t “reach” for love; it has to “reach” for you. You DON’T “have to do something” to find love; although it must do something to find you. It will happen. But the harder you try, the more frustrated you will get… at least in my .02. Great blog. Stop by and see me sometime, too. http://joesacramento.com

  2. Ann

    Good advise from joesacramento. Count your blessings, Xeno! Love can do strange things to one’s sanity as in the case of this poor chap as told by Poe:

    Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
    Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
    As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
    `’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –
    Only this, and nothing more.’

    Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
    And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
    Eagerly I wished the morrow; – vainly I had sought to borrow
    From my books surcease of sorrow – sorrow for the lost Lenore –
    For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore –
    Nameless here for evermore. . . . . . . .

  3. TheAdlerian

    Joe:

    I’m sorry, but that’s not good advice.

    Love:

    It’s an attitude. A loving and accepting attitude will attract people to you.

    The key is an interest in others which comes before yourself. It’s the same attitude as a good parent has towards a child. What does little bobby want, if he wants it, then what must I do to get it, and if I can’t what’s the best way to tell him. A good parent doesn’t expect Bobby to think about what they want.

    Adults respond to this excellently. Of course, you have to mean it or else you’re acting like a sociopath.

    Relationship:

    Why did the last one end? Who did what?

    Xeno:

    You’re a nice looking guy, but you’re always sneering in your photos. Is that a musician persona, or do you just do that.

    It makes you look evil (good as a Billy Idol performer thing though).

    Blog:

    I love your blog, but I think that mostly it’s a pack of lies and you know it. Sometimes you’ll quote a portion of an article, and call it a mystery, but if you click on the rest of the link the article leads in a more positive direction.

    Do you lie for entertainment value?

    I ask because I can’t tell if your blog is satire, a mix, or what.

    Your political values seem hateful, but masked as good ( the sneer fits this) and self-hateful of the society which allows you the life you live. You love science, gas, plastic, using computers, unlimited energy, etc but say that you don’t. This is the neuroticism created by PC thinking. It shows a confused liar.

    Conclusion:

    I think that you’re a nice person who’s confused about who they are and that you have some serious passive-aggressive issues. Women are like detectives and always worried about getting together with liars.

    I’m not wrong about your blog, but could be about you, but what you write IS you, eve if you’re joking.

    Bad boys:

    These dudes confuse many men because they seem rotten, yet women love them. One element that women love is the fact that you can trust these people to be honest. The downside is that they don’t care much what you think, that’s why they’re honest.

  4. Xeno

    The Alderian: Some good advice in there, but why the slander? Entertainment value? Watch out for projection. Your tone comes off as pretty hostile in many of your posts. Are you aware of that?

    Xeno: I’m perfectly confident about who I am and about what I want. Always have been. I just haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.

    Blog: Sorry, wrong. There is more truth per square inch here than you find anywhere else. If something I write is not correct, I’m happy to correct it. I’ve been proving people wrong for many years. Dentists said I could not heal cavities, I did. Doctors said I needed to stop eating spicy foods, and take meds for the rest of my life and have a stomach operation, wrong. My republican friends said there were WMDs in Iraq. Wrong. I follow the evidence. If you have some, ante up!

    As long as I’m alive this is a living document subject to change as new evidence is presented. So, what’s your beef? You think I’m distorting by leaving out the BS parts of mainstream news articles? Give me an example and we can go at it mano a mano.

    Sneering? That’s my face, man. It just is what it is.

    Me loving science and plastic and saying I don’t: Huh!? Are you on crack today or something?

    Relationship: I ended the last one because she was not what I wanted long term. I’m an optimistic person seeking same. Downers need not apply.

    Sense of humor: Required for enjoyment of life and for coping with the dreary day to day news.

    Psycho-babble about passive-aggressiveness: can be applied to anyone alive. It’s like astrology to me. The accusation is mildly entertaining but not worth much without facts. There is nothing passive about my aggression. I am mad as hell that my country is being run by thugs, that some people are so amazingly cruel to members of their own species, and that Chicago pizza tastes so good, but is only made in Chicago.

    So, enough insults, seriously. Lay out your facts and we can make some progress.

  5. TheAdlerian

    Love yah, but I stand by what I said.

    You’re hostile, that’s why you find my honest opinions to be hostile. They violate your world view.

    It’s a hallmark of the PC mentality.

    The sneering is a manifestation.

    You can get rid of all that very easily by being as honest as possible. In Existential Psychotherapy and Gestalt therapy a goal is to be what’s called “Congruence.” The idea there is to always say what you think so that your mind is in complete agreement with your mouth.

    People pay big money for this stuff and you got it for free.

  6. Xeno Post author

    I get annoyed by insults devoid of facts.

    You are making an incorrect assumption about why I “sneer”. My jaw and face is the way it is because of a deadly car accident I was in many years ago. When I was 12 years old I witnessed the gory death of a beautiful teenage girl (she was at fault). Due to some physical damage I sustained when she hit us, I had stitches in my face, and part of my facial nerves were never quite the same. So my smile is now a little off. I’ve never shared this with anyone, but there you go, some facts to counter your sneer theory.

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